Getting cosy with José

At some point in the great history of the human race, somebody figured out that the ideal serving of a seven-quid tapas plate of grilled asparagus with Manchego shavings is five spears. Not six, not four, but five. Doubtless this calculation weighed up cost of product against profit margin. Perhaps plate size and grill speed were involved in the formula. Spreadsheets may have been drawn up. Experiments undertaken. Results compiled.

Let us also assume that the person with this responsibility has eaten in a restaurant before. They are likely to have some friends – or a family at the very...